Obey my husband! . . .Whadda ya mean?

What do I mean when I say honor and obey your husband? Let me give you my take.

Thoughts, words, and actions summarize our interactions with everyone and everything around us. I will frame my opinions of what it means to "honor and obey" in these terms.

In my Manly opinion, there are two aspects to honoring your husband; the honor you give your husband and the honor you bring to your husband. The distinction between the two is shared with the distinction between Private and Public Virtue. The honor you give is about how you treat your husband privately and the honor you bring is about how you represent your husband publicly.

The honor you give your husband

Thoughts - Assume the best! Believe he is capable, creative, resourceful, responsible, powerful, and madly in love with you. If you think, reinforce (overlooking occasional lapses), and believe this about your man, the shift in your attitude and his behavior will be enormous. Every Man wants to be the knight for his lady fair. When he senses your confidence and belief in him he will stop at nothing to fulfill it.

Words - Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?! Before anything passes from your lips, it should meet all three criteria. Once in a great while the third criteria might have to be suspended for the greater good, but that should be in an extremely rare instance.

Tone is everything. Your voice should be music to his ears and the song of his heart. Avoid harsh tones or the tones you use with your children when you speak to your husband. Children hear tones, not words. They will pick up ques on how they should interact with their father from your tone with him. This has a strong influence on how the children will treat their father and how they will treat you.

Action - Be a flirt and a lover to your husband. I found a gem when it comes to advice on how to flirt with your husband. And as far as being a lover... check out some books, do a little studying, and then practice, practice, practice. Oh, and one more bit of advice on being a great lover. . . really love the man! The love in your smile, your eyes, and your touch will do more than any technique could ever do.

The honor you bring to your husband

Thoughts - Let your thoughts dwell with him. Whether in books, magazines, a girlfriend's husband, a co - worker, or the gym, don't let your mind stray to other men or the qualities other men have that you wish he had. The "if only he were. . ." Think on him and admire, adore, and appreciate his strengths and qualities. People respect women who are loyal and subsequently, people respect their husbands.

Words - Uplift and protect his good name. Many will advise against publicly humiliating, criticizing, demeaning, or undermining your husband. How much more important is it to refrain from doing so with peers or parents away from his presence. It is one thing to seek counsel in confidence from a trustworthy parent or professional with regards to a struggle or problem, quite another to make his flaws the butt of your joke and the subject of your whine session.

Pray for him. Your children should hear and catch you praying for and blessing him.

Actions - Be the best woman you can be. Be the woman he is proud to introduce to his co-workers and friends. Maintain an appropriate appearance for the occasion. I'm not talking about being a supermodel-- but PJs, dingy furry footwear, ratnest, and sunglasses to go grocery shopping? Do you look your best for when he comes home and brings a surprise guest? More important than looks, are you sincere and pleasant everywhere you go? Pleasant and personable always impresses more than pretty but prickly.

To obey a husband

Thoughts - Trust him. I'll say it again, trust him. Your husbands are not wrong as often as you think they are, and husbands are not right as often as we think we are. Many times you'll have an idea, and he'll have an idea and they are both reasonable ideas. Just because he doesn't see the brilliance and self evident rightness of your idea doesn't make him wrong. He has the responsibility of making the decision -- and he has the responsibility for the consequences. Trust him.

Words - Back him up and he'll have your back. Don't undermine his authority in front of others or his children. If you do, you diminish his desire and credibility to defend you.

Action - Be not downcast. When you have put your heads together and chosen a course, get behind it 100%, even if it was his idea and you know it won't work or yours is better. Let me share an experience to outline what I am talking about. 

I served a mission to the deaf community. During the course of my service I was given responsibility for the deaf program in an entire mission and a supervisor role over four companionships of sister missionaries. A new mission president came on board, then shortly after called me to his office. The mission president gave me an outline of how he wanted me to run the deaf program in his mission. He didn't ask me how it was being done, why it was being done, what my input is - nothin'. . . he just said how I was going to do it from now on. I was stunned. What is more, I knew what he was implementing wouldn't work! He had no idea what he was talking about. Here was a person I was accountable to, I was suppose to honor and obey, and he was directing to do something I knew would fail.

Part of my responsibilities were to contact each companionship at the end of the day and make sure they were home safe. As I was making my calls a particularly intuitive and wise sister missionary asked how I was doing. I explained to her what happened with the mission president and what he was asking me to do. She listened and then casually told me to do what the mission president directed. 

Are you crazy?! You know it won't work!

Is it breaking any commandments? 

Aaaah no. But. . . 

Do what he says, be sincere and do it 100% and then show the president the results.

Oh, ok.

She was right. Next meeting I presented and promoted the presidents plan and it was implemented. We chased the desired results for two months. I had another meeting with the mission president where showed him what we did and the results. He looked it over for a minute, looked up and said, "What do you suggest?" We re-implemented what was working before with a few additional plans and things picked up. 

Alright ladies, you have my take on why and how to honor and obey your husband. I hope it might help some and I would love to hear your take. Do you agree, disagree, have another point or idea?