The early bird falls to the ground. . .asleep

With my new position I have moved to a sunrise shift. . . 6 am start. This means I start getting ready at 4:30 am. With this adjustment I have shift lag. . . in the business world this is the shift equivalent of jet lag. I have chemically augmented my mornings to keep drool from ruining my ergonomic keyboard.

This reminded me of the yeah so many years ago when I started attending Priesthood meetings at 7 am. I was accustomed to my church meetings on a three hour block schedule starting at 9 am or noon. Now I was experiencing church lag.

Sunday after Sunday and would sit next to my future father-in-law with intravenous caffeine, toothpicks, and electric shockers in an effort to osmotically absorb the lesson. All of this to no avail. It would start with eye popping starts, then the rubberneck head-bob, then the pontificating head lean. I could not stay awake!

One magic meeting I am progressing through my sleep deprivation regime when I woke up tumbled on the floor, looking up at Bill's belly bouncing in laughter at my spill. The whole Elder's quorum is looking at me and there was the twittering of snickers throughout the room. What can I say. . . The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

When acquaintances become friends

As a general rule, you don't tell people you meet you're a polygamist in the first sentence with your name and greeting. If a casual acquaintance looks like they are heading for a longer term relationship, that is usually when you let them know and make sure they are okay with it. Red attended community college and became friends with a fellow student and decided it was time to let her know.

Red: There is something I need to tell you.
Friend: Sure, ok
Red: I just don't want to surprise you or anything if you ever meet my family. . . I'm a polygamist. . .
Friend: after a long pause... Is that where you hate black people?
Red: Huh? Ohhh no, no, that's prejudice
Friend: Oh, okay

And they are still friends today. . .

,,, I can spot em' from a mile away

Several years ago, I had a second job at a shoe store chain. I had a chance to work with some great people there. One of them was the assistant store manager.

One day, some short creekers (short term for FLDS fundamentalist from Short Creek) came into our store. The assistant store manager casually walks over next to me at the cash register and says, " Those are polygamists."

"Really? Do you think?"

"Oh yeah, they always have long sleeves and they don't use cell phones!"

"They don't use cell phones?"

"Nope, it's against their religion or something"

"Wow, good to know."

"Yeah, I can spot em' from a mile away."

Not all fundamentalists wear long sleeves, although there are some groups with distinctive dress and grooming. I always wear long sleeves but I dress fashion forward. No group or independents I know have an injunction against cell phones, so I was mystified as to where the assistant manager had heard that one. Funny enough, I had never owned a cell phone in my life up to that point. The irony of this dialogue came a couple minutes later after the assistant manager had gone to the back of the store -- one of the mothers answered a cell phone.