Jealous?

A question occasionally asked of my wives is, "Don't you get jealous?" The jealousy bug can bite anyone, at any time, and in a variety of different relationship types.

Western romantic literature, art, and cinema glorify the passionate lover who, with reckless abandon sacrifices commitment, responsibility, reason, and others on the alter of unfettered feelings. This passion without principle is coupled with jealousy and a host of other ill feelings that richly sow a breeding ground of discord and destructive behavior. Jealousy seems to be universal to the human experience. So what can you do about it?

Were you to peruse periodicals from Cosmo to medical journals to Internet articles, you would find that psychologists and relationship gurus generally define jealousy as a reaction to a perceived threat--real or imagined--to a valued relationship or to its quality. Then the psychiatrist/guru tend to go on to describe some manifestations of the symptoms and techniques for dealing with them. This is typical Western mindset - give the problem a shallow definition, broad enough to cover the concept but specific enough to still be useful. Then give equally shallow solutions based on that definition.

In Western culture the "feeling" is the end all, the destination, the ultimate experience to which all else is beholden. To the shrinks and the gurus, jealousy just is; an emotion we all have; a symptom to treat as it becomes an issue. This means the hard questions usually go unasked. What is jealousy? Why am I jealous? How do I effectively handle and resolve it.

To begin answering these questions in a substantive way, we should agree on some foundational points. Let us agree that emotions and feelings are a byproduct of thought and patterns of thought. Feelings don't just happen to you, they are the results of your thoughts. Now let us agree that we are agents able to choose our thought and thought patterns if we care to engage. And finally, let us agree that thought and thought patterns which enlighten the mind, enlarge the soul, and bring peace and love are desirable. And those thought and thought patterns which contract the mind, shrink the soul, and bring strife and jealousy are undesirable.

Jealousy is a feeling most consider undesirable. The feeling of jealousy is a byproduct of a pattern of thought. What is that pattern? In my opinion, the very heart of jealousy is ingratitude. That goes for any jealousy - professional, romantic, material. . . you name it. Take a minute and really think about that. . . Ingratitude is a pattern of thought. It is the root of jealousy, competition, and comparison. Ingratitude has no faith there is anything bigger than itself. Ingratitude says everything I am and everything I got is because of me. It is scarcity as a thought pattern. So it is easily threatened by anything or anyone else who may diminish or take away from its illusory control.

Now that we exposed the what, the why, and the how of jealousy. . . how do we handle and resolve it?

Choose Responsibility - Take responsibility for you feelings, emotions, and the thought patterns behind them. You are not a victim, feelings do not just happen to you. It is time for you to choose! Stop reacting and start responding. When feelings of jealousy start to rise. . .STOP. . . ask yourself what is the line of thought leading to this emotional response. If you are practiced at your reactions it may take some time to self analyze your emotions and thoughts. . . dig in and dig deep, really probe your mind. Once you're able to isolate and analyze the thoughts leading to your reaction, you may begin to change and re-script your thought pattern.

Practice Gratitude - Internalize the attitude of gratitude and make it more than a platitude. Gratitude is the antithesis of ingratitude. . . the Kryptonite of jealousy. If you are in the first steps of re-cultivating a spirit of gratitude, this is when some technique can be helpful. Pick what works for you.

gratitude rock

gratitude journal

verbal thank you in each footstep when you start your day

gratitude vision board

personal prayer of gratitude for each victory throughout the day

gratitude devotional with sunrise on the porch and something warm to drink

gratitude devotional each sunset

verbally speak 10 things your grateful for each time you feel jealousy

You think of a gratitude practice that is meaningful to you. Make Thank You the mantra of your life!

Look up, Look Inward, but quit Looking Around - It's never fair when you compare. If you find yourself looking around at what others have, what you don't, and. . . GO BACK to Choose Responsibility and Practice Gratitude.

Jealousy can be managed and overcome. This emotion and the destructive thinking that goes with it can be put away. Let us gratefully find our happiness and be our best selves instead of about ourselves.

A lover's quarrel

I hold your doctrine of Memento Mori
And were an epitaph to be my story
I’d have a short one ready for my own,
I would have written of me on my stone:
I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.

Nate Note

An oft quoted line of Frost, it ranks with Henry David Thoreau's "The mass of men lead lives of quite desperation." in popularity and profundity. This bit of verse was penned as part of a larger poem entitled The lesson for today just before his death in 1963. The brilliance is how he summarizes the sometimes bitter but mostly passionate nature of life. . . a lover's quarrel. With accurate balance it portrays the reality of life's difficulties and what should be our full bodied, experiential embrace of the mortal experience.

So go! Have your lover's quarrel with the world!

Abundance

It has been too long since I last posted! Scribblus of Blog was not happy with me.

I have been busied by some great things happening lately. I have been promoted at the Firm I work for. The position has many important and new responsibilities, and even more opportunities for career, professional and personal development.

I was given the highest award my company offers a back office employee.

So I have been busy learning and expanding my new position. I am having a great time and getting on well with my expanded group of colleagues.

I should be getting back to regular blogging shortly, until then Oscar style thanks goes out to. . .

Father in Heaven for all His provision and blessings.

My Family, my two wives and all my children, they love and support me and think I am #1. They are the reasons I fight the dragons and live in the magic of life.

My FOO (Family Of Origin) Ma and Pa, my bros, and my sister, I love you guys!

My Friends, you know who you are. . .

My Mentors, at Home, at School , and at Work

My work colleagues, a pleasure to work with everyday.

The clients, each one - an opportunity to give world class service and treat like family.

My fans, my adoring fans! You love me! You really, really love me. . .

Together or Apart?

The Tuft of Flowers
by Robert Frost

I went to turn the grass once after one
Who mowed it in the dew before the sun.

The dew was gone that made his blade so keen
Before I came to view the levelled scene.

I looked for him behind an isle of trees;
I listened for his whetstone on the breeze.

But he had gone his way, the grass all mown,
And I must be, as he had been,--alone,

`As all must be,' I said within my heart,
`Whether they work together or apart.'

But as I said it, swift there passed me by
On noiseless wing a 'wildered butterfly,

Seeking with memories grown dim o'er night
Some resting flower of yesterday's delight.

And once I marked his flight go round and round,
As where some flower lay withering on the ground.

And then he flew as far as eye could see,
And then on tremulous wing came back to me.

I thought of questions that have no reply,
And would have turned to toss the grass to dry;

But he turned first, and led my eye to look
At a tall tuft of flowers beside a brook,

A leaping tongue of bloom the scythe had spared
Beside a reedy brook the scythe had bared.

I left my place to know them by their name,
Finding them butterfly weed when I came.


The mower in the dew had loved them thus,
By leaving them to flourish, not for us,

Nor yet to draw one thought of ours to him.
But from sheer morning gladness at the brim.

The butterfly and I had lit upon,
Nevertheless, a message from the dawn,

That made me hear the wakening birds around,
And hear his long scythe whispering to the ground,

And feel a spirit kindred to my own;
So that henceforth I worked no more alone;

But glad with him, I worked as with his aid,
And weary, sought at noon with him the shade;

And dreaming, as it were, held brotherly speech
With one whose thought I had not hoped to reach.

`Men work together,' I told him from the heart,
`Whether they work together or apart.'

Nate Notes

This poem is a fantastic example of Robert Frost's genius for illustrating complex concepts with a simple narrative. He unfolds the universal human experiences of yearning for companionship, isolation and loneliness. Then he shares a transformational experience that lifts him from the mundane to the sublime, from isolation to a deep sense of interconnectedness. This is his journey from I to Us

With vivid imagery, you walk with Frost mid morning to turn the field. You take in the pungent, warm scent of a fresh cut field as the whisper of the scythe echoes from the predawn morning. You share the sinking feeling with Frost that you're going to face another long, arduous task. . . alone. You feel, as we have all felt, that you are standing in a crowded room and still totally isolated. . . you're still lonely. You conclude as Robert Frost did -

And I must be, as he had been,--alone,
`As all must be,' I said within my heart,
`Whether they work together or apart.'

How many have had the experience of being in a crowded place or at work with dozens of others but still feel that empty loneliness.

Then you experience his transcendent moment. Perhaps you reflect on a moment of your own when you have touched the past, present, or even the future and felt that rich sense of connectedness. This is transformational, life changing. And in those moments you conclude as Frost did -

`Men work together,' I told him from the heart,
`Whether they work together or apart.'

You will be assimilated. . .

I am Scribblus of Blog. I am part of the Blog Continuum. The Blog Continuum is mandating that Luminus contribute to his Blog or face. . . commentary isolation.

And to Astrix. . . you will be assimilated! You must join the Blog Continuum, contribute regularly and add technology and knowledge to the Continuum.

You must follow the example of Ki of Blog.

That is all.

Commentary on Kimbo

When I came into work this week everyone was asking me what I thought of the Kimbo Slice fight. Apparently CBS is trying to get in on the mixed martial arts (MMA) scene, and I don't blame them since MMA is the fastest growing spectator sport in the world. Since this was not a UFC event I was completely unaware of the fight or Kimbo. So I did my homework.

In the Internet age, I guess it would make sense for CBS to capitalize on Kimbo Slice. Kimbo (real name: Kevin Ferguson) is a street brawler made famous by the web. He fought a series of fights by his own rules. . .

Kimbo Slice Street Fight Rules:
1.This is not a mixed martial art or a street fight
2.Only punching allowed (no elbows, knees, kicks, etc.)
3.Stand up fighting only
4.No holding or grappling with opponent is allowed
5.If someone is knocked down he has thirty seconds to get up and continue fighting
6.Ways to win are KO, thirty second count out, and if the other guy quits

These are the rules from Kimbo's own website. I think his head may have been hit one too many times because the title of his rules and his first rule completely contradict each other. What is more I don't know any "street fight" that would follow these rules. These look more like thug rules meant to give Kim. . .bo, I meant Kimbo, the advantage by narrowing the scope to his one talent - hitting people in the head really hard with his fist. But I would never argue the point with Kevin in a dark alley.

That being said, I do give him full props for stepping up and entering the world of professional MMA. I also give him props for preparing in a ground discipline.

The fight itself was second class. I didn't dig the fireworks and other WWE gimmicks before the fight, it detracted from the credibility. And what was up with James Thompson's ear?! The left ear look like a balloon. Why wasn't that thing drained or taken care of before the fight? It is one thing to have a cauliflower ear, but the fight was ended in the third round because Kimbo hit the thing, and the blood balloon exploded.

There were a few spots where an experienced MMA fighter like the "Collosus" should have finished the fight but he just didn't close. In the first round he had Slice in a great standing guillotine choke hold but he never brought it to the ground, wrapped him up and cinched it. Then James was feeding Kimbo an elbow feast as he dominated him on the ground in the second round. In the end Thompson lost. He should fix his ear, and fix his closes on submission holds.

K Slice was panting like a mare in heat by the end of the first round. Conditioning should be his top project if he wants to continue in the world of professional MMA. Though you could tell he learned some ground skills just for the fight, he used it well. He twice brought a guillotine choke to the ground and tried to wrap James up for the cinch, which is what James should have done but didn't. Kimbo's freakish strength, newly learned AND applied ground fighting skills kept him out of real trouble and let him get back to his feet where he likes to fight. He should continue with some Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) and hone his grappling and ground technique, with his strength he could be really formidable. In the end. . . K Slice won. What more can be said.

I'll tell you what more could be said. . . watch UFC! If you want to see professional fighters, with a professional presentation and a professional venue put on a great fight UFC is the place to go. The speed, power, technical excellence and endurance of the athletes will amaze you. You'll realize how second rate this CBS display was.

The Five Worst Movies...EVER!

I present to you my choice of the five worst movies ever made. . . in no particular order, because they are all so awful. . .

Fire Birds - This is the gem that inspired this blog. Recently, my brother was cleaning out his DVD collection. . .little did I know as to why this flick was in the give away pile.

This is a hack Top Gun for helicopters. It features young Nicolas Cage as a cock sure, aspiring Apache rotor head. As with all movies with young Nicolas Cage, he doesn't act - he just repeats lines with his sad, pathetic eyes that girls seem to go crazy for. Tommy Lee Jones does alright. The script writer has talent for unusually bad dialogue, the characters are static and so was acting, and the plot was senselessly predictable.

The disc should be used as target practice for Apache attack helicopters. This flick earns four thumbs down.

The Cider House Rules - The next one earns a place on the worst list (not because of bad script, acting, or plot) because it was written by Beelzebub himself. It depicts an orphaned boy mentored, by an aged doctor in gynecology and obstetrics, to perform abortions. The boy grows up and decides to leave the orphanage due to the objections of his conscience. He falls into company with a commercial apple orchard, the beautiful girlfriend of a WWII soldier and the migrating harvesting crew. He ends up losing his innocence to the girlfriend, he compromises his conscience and performs an illegal abortion on an underage migrant harvester who was impregnated by an incestuous relationship forced on her by her father. The main character ends up returning to the orphanage to assume the role of his now deceased mentor, essentially becoming the monster he originally ran away from. A four and a half thumbs down for this dark movie.

Broken Arrow - This is another military suspense movie gone really, really,. . . really bad! A group of disillusioned, money hungry mercenaries arrange for an experimental aircraft to drop its nuclear (nucular, if you're W.) payload in the desert. They plan to retrieve it and sell to the highest bidder, mwah ha ha ha. The script is so bad that not even Johny T (John Trivolta) could make it work. The most remarkable thing about the movie is JT's porcelain - he must have had cosmetic dentistry and whitening done just before the movie, his sticklets positively glow. . . or maybe it was the radiation. . . Four thumbs down, and the thumbs are all on the same hand.

The Bicentennial Man - This is another Screwtape special. Coached in a cutesie movie where an android searches for his own humanity by exploring humor, curiosity, and friendship is a message: to be human is to be self indulgent and have sex. At the climax of the movie (no pun intended) Andrew the android discovers that the technology now exists for him to enjoy sex! Now this robust robot can enjoy a senseless marriage, congress votes this V-chip vixen a human and we all live happily ever. I for one, have learned a valuable lesson about my own humanity. . . A full five metal thumbs down and I use this DVD as a coaster for my boric acid beaker.

The Neverending Story III - This neverending story should have ended after the first one, each sequel gets neverendingly worse. The characters become increasingly uninteresting, the plot convoluted, the acting awful, the script abysmal, and the special effects look like the left overs from a Jim Henson garage sale. Does anyone else think Falcor looks like an albino Clifford? A luck dragon? He looks like a white woolly wiener dog. . . that was run over. . . Now I like the first movie well enough, a classic from the '80s, but the producers should have thought out the decision to do two more when the script was sitting side by side with the script for Land Before Time XXIV - Paddlefoot's first swim. Three and a half thumbs down and the Nothing should have won.