Some fundamental marriage advise

I recently celebrated my second year of marriage with Sharon. I have eight years with Red for a total of 10 years marriage experience. During this time I have learned a little about women, a lot about me and developed a reserve of marriage advise for young, uninterested couples or plurals.

Were I asked to give sage advise at a reception dinner toast, I would give the following...

Get a book keeper! - Finances are the number one source of friction in a marriage. There are several benefits to having a book keeper. A budget gets made and everyone tends to stick to it. The bills get paid on time and you don't have to lick the stamps and envelopes. When there has to be money talk, it tends to be much more civil and problem resolution oriented with a third party involved.

Don't let your expectations exceed your appreciation - Love each other for the little things and the great victories. Celebrate each other's accomplishments and efforts and they will only want to accomplish more for you. Every man wants to be the Knight in Shining Armor for his Lady and every woman wants to be the Lady Fair worth fighting dragons for. Praise in public and often, censure in private and very, very little. This principle is enormously powerful in maintaining a vibrant, loving and passionate relationships.

Go on a date weekly - remember why you fell in love each week.

Happy Mother's Day

Mother’s Day has different meaning for different people. Telecommunication executives love the revenue from the single biggest day for long distance use. Florist's have their second greatest harvest just behind Valentine’s Day. Some singles cringe at the awkward day of continual reminders of their barren singleness. It’s like the whole world has become their nagging mother wanting grandchildren before she passes from this mortal toil. Other singles don’t care. Some remember a mother who has passed on. Some think on a mother they never had. So what is Mother’s Day to a fundamentalist?

I have seen it observed in a variety of ways. When I visited the home of a fundamentalist for the first time, it was on Mother’s Day. In that home it was celebrated as Christmas for mothers minus the tree. They would gather everyone in the house and moms would be given gifts by each of the children, usually handmade cards by the younger children and purchased gifts by the older or married children.

I have seen the home of the Minch. The Minch is to Mother’s Day what The Grinch is to Christmas. No Mother’s Day allowed.

I myself fall in the middle of this Mother’s Day observance spectrum. It drives me crazy searching for the envelope that goes with the perfect card I picked. I mean really, how hard should it be? Then I look at the half a dozen other guys scavenging with me through the scarce carcass of the card isle Saturday night at 10. I see a guy pick out a 99 cent bargain card and then grab a Hallmark envelope two sizes too big, the wrong shape and color and dash for the check out stand. This was the same genius who thought they really pulled a fast one on ol' Ma when they shoved all their dirty clothes and toys under the bed and called it clean.

At that moment, it hit me. . . of course Ma is going to realize her son was trying to pass off this 99 cent card as a Hallmark moment, but it says "l love you" just as well as the five dollar original. What is more, she loves him and always will. A mother knows her child better than any other in this world. She changed his diaper, she changed his bandages, and she changed his life.

So I like the idea of Mother's Day. We all have one and they should be appreciated. I certainly love and appreciate the two wonderful mothers of my children. The children make handmade cards which are presented. I get a card and a small gift for each wife and give it to them privately.

To all the mothers out there - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

PS to my two wives

those were Hallmark cards . . . I promise

How three white coats can ruin your day in an hour

My youngest son was finally discharged from the hospital yesterday after being there for over two weeks. This would seem a happy occasion, and it was, until the last hour or so . . .

Three white coats decided to pay a visit in short order, a geneticist, a audiologist, and a opthamologist. The opthamologist determined my son was myopic (near sighted). He would need to do more tests in a week to determine how severe.

The audiologist determined our son in profoundly deaf. In one ear they could not determine how deaf he was because it was so profound it fell outside the test limits. In the other ear he can hear some extremely loud environmental noises, say. . . front row at a Megadeath concert. In short my son has never heard his parents voices or his own crying. We have more testing in four to six weeks.

The geneticist said all these issues my son was having was due to Stickler's Syndrome. This was passed along to my son in thanks to dear ol' dad. Yep, my son inherited all the issues along with my good looks.

I think I am still in the shock and denial phase of things. Part of me hopes with a little time and some more tests it won't be as severe as it initially seems. I mean, I have it and I turned out alright.

Time will tell . . .

Updates on number 4 and number 5

My youngest has been in the hospital for two weeks. When he was born he had a difficult time breathing. He would breath but he had a pronounced strider. Then later he lost energy and started losing weight. This was due to serious reflux which caused him to avoid eating. While his conditions are serious, it is fixable with common medical procedures. What is more, he had two of the best pediatric surgeons in the country perform these procedures.

The second operation was done last Monday and took about five hours. It is call a jaw distraction.

They cut his lower mandible on both sides (7) and attach a flat metal devise (1) which can extend or retract. Each day the space is extended on both sides by a millimeter and bone matrix begins to fill in the gap. Once the jaw is extended to the appropriate length they allow it to settle permanently then remove the devices from both sides. This procedure along with the first should let my son breath easy and reduce his reflux from here on out.

Both operations were successful. He has been recovering well. He is gaining weight, energy and the zest for life that every three month old should have.

My second youngest was born with bilateral hip displacia, the leg bones aren't connected to hip bones. Just this last Tuesday she went in for a bilateral hip arthrogram. This procedure was also performed by one of the chief specialists in this field. As it turn out, the doctor was able to maneuver them into place manually and my little girl only required a minor incision to release a tendon. Then they put her in a body cast for the next three months.

It was universally expressed by the doctors, nurses, and hospital staff that she was the most well adjusted and cutest patient they had ever seen.

. . . and that's the update.

The two most important things...in and out of this world

In my opinion, the two most important things in the world are intelligence and relationships. They are the most important things in this world because they are the only things you take out of this world. And I believe both are interconnected. . .

Whether you call it enlightenment, born again, mighty change of heart, conciouseness, self aware, or self realization - that moment you realize your interconnectedness and interdependance with everything else and with God - that is intelligence. Then you begin the practical expansion of your intelligence with right interactions with your fellow beings under this perspective.

Your cultivated personality and disposition attract others, like attracts like. Do you like who you are hanging out with? Do you like you? Do you nurture your core relationships? The people you want to be with forever - are you being the type of person they want to be with forever?

Your eternal life is made up of your filosophy, family and friends.

,,, I can spot em' from a mile away

Several years ago, I had a second job at a shoe store chain. I had a chance to work with some great people there. One of them was the assistant store manager.

One day, some short creekers (short term for FLDS fundamentalist from Short Creek) came into our store. The assistant store manager casually walks over next to me at the cash register and says, " Those are polygamists."

"Really? Do you think?"

"Oh yeah, they always have long sleeves and they don't use cell phones!"

"They don't use cell phones?"

"Nope, it's against their religion or something"

"Wow, good to know."

"Yeah, I can spot em' from a mile away."

Not all fundamentalists wear long sleeves, although there are some groups with distinctive dress and grooming. I always wear long sleeves but I dress fashion forward. No group or independents I know have an injunction against cell phones, so I was mystified as to where the assistant manager had heard that one. Funny enough, I had never owned a cell phone in my life up to that point. The irony of this dialogue came a couple minutes later after the assistant manager had gone to the back of the store -- one of the mothers answered a cell phone.

My Movie Favorites

I love great movies. By category, here are my top five...

Inspirational
1. The Emperor's Club
2. October Sky
3. Finding Forester
4. Dead Poet Society
5. Rudy

Action
1. Casino Royale
2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
3. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
4. Pirates of the Caribbean the Black Pearl
5. Chronicles of Riddick

Sci-Fi
1. Stargate
2. Star Trek IV The Voyage Home
3. Star Wars IV, V, and VI
4. Transformers
5. Star Wars I, II, III

Epics
1. The Kingdom of Heaven
2. Gladiator
3. The Last Samurai
4. King Arthur
5. The Patriot

Romantic
1. Dangerous Beauty
2. Meet Joe Black
3. Stardust
4. Princess Bride
5. Ladyhawk

Humor
1. The Court Jester
2. Employee of the Month
3. Galaxy Quest
4. Dodgeball
5. Nacho Libre

Fantasy
1. Lord of the Rings I, II, and III
2. Harry Potter Movies
3. The Dark Crystal
4. The Labyrinth
5. Willow

Animated
1. The Incredibles
2. Monster's Inc
3. Toy Story
4. Robin Hood
5. Cars

Misc
1. The Secret
2. What the Bleep Do We Know