Suitable title for today's poem

Ghost House

by Robert Frost

I Dwell in a lonely house I know 
That vanished many a summer ago, 
And left no trace but the cellar walls, 
And a cellar in which the daylight falls, 
And the purple-stemmed wild raspberries grow. 

O'er ruined fences the grape-vines shield 
The woods come back to the mowing field; 
The orchard tree has grown one copse 
Of new wood and old where the woodpecker chops; 
The footpath down to the well is healed. 

I dwell with a strangely aching heart 
In that vanished abode there far apart 
On that disused and forgotten road 
That has no dust-bath now for the toad. 
Night comes; the black bats tumble and dart; 

The whippoorwill is coming to shout 
And hush and cluck and flutter about: 
I hear him begin far enough away 
Full many a time to say his say 
Before he arrives to say it out. 

It is under the small, dim, summer star. 
I know not who these mute folk are 
Who share the unlit place with me-- 
Those stones out under the low-limbed tree 
Doubtless bear names that the mosses mar. 

They are tireless folk, but slow and sad, 
Though two, close-keeping, are lass and lad,-- 
With none among them that ever sings, 
And yet, in view of how many things, 
As sweet companions as might be had.

Obey my husband! . . .Whadda ya mean?

What do I mean when I say honor and obey your husband? Let me give you my take.

Thoughts, words, and actions summarize our interactions with everyone and everything around us. I will frame my opinions of what it means to "honor and obey" in these terms.

In my Manly opinion, there are two aspects to honoring your husband; the honor you give your husband and the honor you bring to your husband. The distinction between the two is shared with the distinction between Private and Public Virtue. The honor you give is about how you treat your husband privately and the honor you bring is about how you represent your husband publicly.

The honor you give your husband

Thoughts - Assume the best! Believe he is capable, creative, resourceful, responsible, powerful, and madly in love with you. If you think, reinforce (overlooking occasional lapses), and believe this about your man, the shift in your attitude and his behavior will be enormous. Every Man wants to be the knight for his lady fair. When he senses your confidence and belief in him he will stop at nothing to fulfill it.

Words - Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?! Before anything passes from your lips, it should meet all three criteria. Once in a great while the third criteria might have to be suspended for the greater good, but that should be in an extremely rare instance.

Tone is everything. Your voice should be music to his ears and the song of his heart. Avoid harsh tones or the tones you use with your children when you speak to your husband. Children hear tones, not words. They will pick up ques on how they should interact with their father from your tone with him. This has a strong influence on how the children will treat their father and how they will treat you.

Action - Be a flirt and a lover to your husband. I found a gem when it comes to advice on how to flirt with your husband. And as far as being a lover... check out some books, do a little studying, and then practice, practice, practice. Oh, and one more bit of advice on being a great lover. . . really love the man! The love in your smile, your eyes, and your touch will do more than any technique could ever do.

The honor you bring to your husband

Thoughts - Let your thoughts dwell with him. Whether in books, magazines, a girlfriend's husband, a co - worker, or the gym, don't let your mind stray to other men or the qualities other men have that you wish he had. The "if only he were. . ." Think on him and admire, adore, and appreciate his strengths and qualities. People respect women who are loyal and subsequently, people respect their husbands.

Words - Uplift and protect his good name. Many will advise against publicly humiliating, criticizing, demeaning, or undermining your husband. How much more important is it to refrain from doing so with peers or parents away from his presence. It is one thing to seek counsel in confidence from a trustworthy parent or professional with regards to a struggle or problem, quite another to make his flaws the butt of your joke and the subject of your whine session.

Pray for him. Your children should hear and catch you praying for and blessing him.

Actions - Be the best woman you can be. Be the woman he is proud to introduce to his co-workers and friends. Maintain an appropriate appearance for the occasion. I'm not talking about being a supermodel-- but PJs, dingy furry footwear, ratnest, and sunglasses to go grocery shopping? Do you look your best for when he comes home and brings a surprise guest? More important than looks, are you sincere and pleasant everywhere you go? Pleasant and personable always impresses more than pretty but prickly.

To obey a husband

Thoughts - Trust him. I'll say it again, trust him. Your husbands are not wrong as often as you think they are, and husbands are not right as often as we think we are. Many times you'll have an idea, and he'll have an idea and they are both reasonable ideas. Just because he doesn't see the brilliance and self evident rightness of your idea doesn't make him wrong. He has the responsibility of making the decision -- and he has the responsibility for the consequences. Trust him.

Words - Back him up and he'll have your back. Don't undermine his authority in front of others or his children. If you do, you diminish his desire and credibility to defend you.

Action - Be not downcast. When you have put your heads together and chosen a course, get behind it 100%, even if it was his idea and you know it won't work or yours is better. Let me share an experience to outline what I am talking about. 

I served a mission to the deaf community. During the course of my service I was given responsibility for the deaf program in an entire mission and a supervisor role over four companionships of sister missionaries. A new mission president came on board, then shortly after called me to his office. The mission president gave me an outline of how he wanted me to run the deaf program in his mission. He didn't ask me how it was being done, why it was being done, what my input is - nothin'. . . he just said how I was going to do it from now on. I was stunned. What is more, I knew what he was implementing wouldn't work! He had no idea what he was talking about. Here was a person I was accountable to, I was suppose to honor and obey, and he was directing to do something I knew would fail.

Part of my responsibilities were to contact each companionship at the end of the day and make sure they were home safe. As I was making my calls a particularly intuitive and wise sister missionary asked how I was doing. I explained to her what happened with the mission president and what he was asking me to do. She listened and then casually told me to do what the mission president directed. 

Are you crazy?! You know it won't work!

Is it breaking any commandments? 

Aaaah no. But. . . 

Do what he says, be sincere and do it 100% and then show the president the results.

Oh, ok.

She was right. Next meeting I presented and promoted the presidents plan and it was implemented. We chased the desired results for two months. I had another meeting with the mission president where showed him what we did and the results. He looked it over for a minute, looked up and said, "What do you suggest?" We re-implemented what was working before with a few additional plans and things picked up. 

Alright ladies, you have my take on why and how to honor and obey your husband. I hope it might help some and I would love to hear your take. Do you agree, disagree, have another point or idea?

PUBLIC APOLOGY!

On my post Honor my husband!...pffft Whatever! I gave a statistic: 50% divorce to marriage rate (Mormons have higher than national average, so don't smirk). One my commenteers called me out, "You are the first person I've ever heard claim Mormons have a higher divorce rate than average. Either I don't know what you are talking about, or you don't. So back up your claim please, from where do your suspect statistics come?"

I knew I needed to back up my stat and my quip so I consulted the great Oracle . . . GOOGLE.

Turns out I AM WRONG!

The statistical survey that showed Mormons having the second highest divorce rate of religious demographics and higher then the national average was conducted in 1983. Not only was this study old and outdated, the findings were an aberration from studies preceding and following it, therefore it was and is largely dismissed.

More recent studies show the following...

Barna report: Variation in divorce rates among Christian faith groups:

Denomination (in order of decreasing divorce rate) % who have been divorced

Non-denominational ** 34%
Baptists 29%
Mainline Protestants 25%
Mormons 24%
Catholics 21%
Lutherans 21%

** Barna uses the term "non-denominational" to refer to Evangelical Christian congregations that are not affiliated with a specific denomination. The vast majority are fundamentalist in their theological beliefs.

Though my snarky comment was incorrect, my overall point about the cultural diminishment of the strong male role model contributing to the divorce rate remains true. Check out this interview with Dr. Shoshanna, best selling author of Why Men Leave.

Grasping. . .

A Passing Glimpse
by Robert Frost

I often see flowers from a passing car
That are gone before I can tell what they are.

I want to get out of the train and go back
To see what they were beside the track.

I name all the flowers I am sure they weren't;
Not fireweed loving where woods have burnt--

Not bluebells gracing a tunnel mouth--
Not lupine living on sand and drouth.

Was something brushed across my mind
That no one on earth will ever find?

Heaven gives it glimpses only to those
Not in position to look too close.

Nate Note

Truly there are the sublime moments where we catch the fleeting glimpse in the motion of life. But how often are those moments passing because of our hustle, our decisions, our cynicism, and our self denial? How often is heaven, love, happiness within our view and we pass by. . .?

Honor my husband! . . .pffft WHATEVER!

WARNING!

If your easily offended this may not be the post for you to read. If you don't know me personally, you may conclude I am a misogynist chauvin. If you know me personally, you may conclude I am misogynist chauvin. . . Try to make it through the whole post, then let me know what you think.

The role of men is under attack in America. You would not have to search long to discover the theme of most "family" or domestic sitcoms feature a clever and condescending wife/girlfriend/children patiently dealing with a bumbling idiot of a husband/boyfriend/father through life's little challenges - wa wa waaaah! It has become ingrained as an attitude in our contemporary culture. The pendulum has swung from Mrs. Clever/Lucy to King of Queens/George Lopez, and neither extreme is accurate or a beneficial reinforcement of attitudes.

Time and time again, in books, TV shows, articles, movies, and in real life. . . brides choke, chafe, dismiss, cut out, or mock the part of the wedding vow which binds them to "honor and obey" their husband. I'm not saying the media is responsible for this. In fact, I am one who believes media and entertainment are markers or indicators of existing and growing social trends.

I kid you not, I have been to five civil ceremonies and three temple sealings where the officiator gave advise along the lines of "do what she wants and you'll have a good marriage." The officiator actually thinks he is smarter than the God he professes, knows better than the Scriptures he professes to believe in, he dismisses the covenants he professes that God established and the bride just took! Am I the only one who thinks this might be a problem?!

We laugh at the jokes, promote the stereotypes, encourage the affeminization of men, and suppress the healthy male roles. . . all while wondering at the consequences to society!

• 50% divorce to marriage rate (Mormons have higher than national average, so don't smirk)
• Increase in repeat divorces
• A Fatherless rate as high as 80% in some demographics
• 20% increase in single parent homes (83% of which are mother/children)
• Sharp drop in total marriages
• Unmarried women will soon surpass the number of married women
• Steady increase in unmarried couple households

My world view embraces the idea that family is eternal and divine. I also believe our Creator established a family order which naturally promotes stability and happiness. The roles of men and women in the family are part of that order. I'm not talking about division of labor, God never appointed women as the eternal housemaid and cook. I am talking about roles - women nurture, nourish children and affirm their man; men protect, provide, lead the family and love their wives. Some may bristle at this notion, but I believe honest observation bears this out.

I can pop a bottle in a newborn baby's mouth, keep it fed but most would agree I am unable to pop out the baby and I don't hold a candle to the mother baby bond and the nurturing that goes on. It is a role that women are uniquely endowed to fulfill. Likewise a woman has a unique power to affirm and empower her man. When a woman loves, encourages, respects, and affirms her man - he will move mountains to lay a straight path for her.

Men are uniquely suited to their roles; one of which is to lead. There is a crucial need in society for the strong male role model. We need real men! When the natural role of men is diminished, undercut, dismissed and mocked the subsequent crisis in leadership leads to these startling statistics . . .

• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes.
• 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions come from fatherless homes.
• 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in fatherless homes.
• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes.
• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.

These statistics translate to mean that children from a fatherless home are:

• 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
• 9 times more likely to drop out of high school
• 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances
• 9 times more likely to end up in state operated institutions
• 20 times more likely to end up in prison
• 10 times more likely to commit rape
• 32 times more likely to run away from home

It is time for society to respect and value the strong male role model. Ladies, it starts with YOU! It begins with a commitment to love, respect, honor and obey your husband. We'll talk about the hows in the next post and the man's part in the next one after that. Ok, let me have it . . . bring on the comments.

One could do worse. . .

Birches
by Robert Frost



When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that.
Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground,
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows--
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping.
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

Nate Notes

Where would I begin. . . read it several more times. . .let it settle on your soul. . .

Happy 1st Birthday Pookah!

Happy 1st Birthday !

Make a wish and blow out your candle...

...aah Pookah...PUT DOWN THE GERNADE!

Children are so creative.

POOKAH, I LOVE YOU!

I am currantly reading. . .

I follow a blog written by an editor of a major publishing house. She is a witty read with great insight and advise on writing, editing, being edited, getting published. . . basically anything to do with writing a book. And as you know, this is a current desire of mine.

A couple days ago she said, ". . . advice regarding how to write. . . Read a lot. Write a lot. Read a lot. Write a lot."

Now I do read and write all day long for work and school. While it has great for practice for the technical aspects of writing there is not much room for creativity. What is more, the Halo book I am currently reading is the first leisure book I have read in years. So I have joined up with GoodReads to track my readings and to remind me to take time for the pleasure of reading something fun. It has also allowed me to add a couple cool widgets to my right sidebar that will show you what I am reading and what I have read.

So, what have you read lately? What is your favorite book? Do you have a recommended read? Leave me a comment and let me know. . .

Blogger. . .James Blogger

I have been contemplating a serious attempt at writing something. I have been brushing up on books about writing, blogs on authorship, and all that. Almost universally, they say, at some point, to write for yourself. Don't try to write what you think your imaginary audience wants to hear. . .be true to yourself. This sounds like great advise (especially coming from the likes of Stephan King), if not very affirming. I would like to write for myself but, for reasons unknown, I would also love it if what I write is liked. Not that it is the start and end of my every thought or anything, but even a small devoted fanship would be cool.

Which brings me to my blog. . .increasingly this is becoming my practice at writing for myself. I started with a steady readership of fifteen plus and now I am down to an average of four. Of that, only two comment regularly with spikes on controversial posts. This has led me to realize (dramatic adventure themes playing in the background) I am secret agent, James Blogger!

While it is cool to be a stealthy, sly blogger guy. . . it does make me wonder if I am interesting. I have been writing only what I have in me to write, what goes on in my head. I guess when the curiosity of my lifestyle fades away. . . I am just an average guy thinking average thoughts and putting them down in an average way.

BTW, James Bond was the clear favorite (3 to 1) over Xander Cage for the "coolest agent" straw poll. I wonder how James Blogger would fare?

Happy Birthday Sharon!

My wife Sharon is now 30. Most people wig out when they hit 30, including me. It just seems like you have officially hit old. . .(distant laughter from all the 40+ crowd) But not Sharon, she relishes her hard earned wisdom and experience. She cannot wait till she is 40 and wise by Chinese standards. I should probably adopt some of the same positive attitudes towards aging.

My love and best wishes for you on your birthday!

Today's News. . .Tomorrow Forgotten

A Patch of Old Snow

by Robert Frost

There's a patch of old snow in a corner

That I should have guessed

Was a blow-away paper the rain

Had brought to rest.

It is speckled with grime as if

Small print overspread it,

The news of a day

I've forgotten --If I ever read it.

Nate Notes

In our age of minute meals, 24 hour news, and sound bites; this poem is a reminder that crisis causing news of the minute is forgotten tomorrow. All the media hype which shakes markets and promotes doom is nothing more than an old patch of snow. . .

Aspiring author. . .no idea

I suppose most people who have a taste for laying word to the page flirt with the idea of becoming an author. I know I have dabble with with the notion off and on since the fourth grade when I wrote about the sinister "XYZ Affair" from the American Revolution. I have several scraps of paper, a notebook, a notepad with jotted ideas. There is this faint stirring within whispering their is a book inside waiting to emerge.

I have yet to make a serious attempt at producing something. I know I should just write and rework it later. . .but the blank screen is there in front of me and the nagging is still within.

What is my motivation? Does it matter? Does anyone care? Does it matter if anyone cares?

Should I write non-fiction? Perhaps short stories or a children's book? No, no, I got it. . . a blog.

Old Frost on the Fully Bloomed. . .

No, your calendars are not off - it is Monday and not Friday. I normally do Frost on Friday but this is a special occasion. My sister sent me a very classy collection of RF's works. If you haven't noticed, I'm a big fan of Robert Frost's work.

In addition to my posts on his poetry, I read him almost daily. I love to quote him often. I have used his works when I facilitate trainings at my work. I can usually find an appropriately Frosty poem for every occasion, an example his panoramic observation of Nature and Nature's greatest (and follied) creation.

My idea of a perfect morning includes sitting out on my back lawn with my feet damp and deep in dew drenched grass with a hot cocoa and my volume of Frost.

Thanks sis, the thoughtful gift of a thoughtful poet.

PS - There should be Frost everyday of the year. . .

Blogs of note. . .

Lately I have been checking out the "blogs of note". The folks at Blogspot pick out a blog they like each day and post the link in their dashboard list. I have been fascinated by there selection. I wonder what criteria they use to evaluate and decide between blogs? Do they decide together or do they rotate who picks? If they rotate. . . one of the staff has a food fetish, there are many blogs of note on food and recipes. Another has an animal thing. But there is a surprising variety blogs and from surprising places around the world. I am inspired by this vast sampling of things people blog about and why, from the serious to the silly.

In fact, I aspire to be a blog of note! (Ok, so I am not the romantic artist type who only does his craft for self expression and gratification.) Oh great Bloggods choose me! Acknowledge and affirm me. . . a solitary voice in a cybersea of blogspotty posts. I'm an anonymous social curiosity (cheesy grin).

Oh well, check it out if you get the chance, there are some intriguing gems in that list.

Made aware. . .

The Silken Tent

by Robert Frost

She is as in a field a silken tent

At midday when the sunny summer breeze

Has dried the dew and all its ropes relent,

So that in guys it gently sways at ease,

And its supporting central cedar pole,

That is its pinnacle to heavenward

And signifies the sureness of the soul,

Seems to owe naught to any single cord,

But strictly held by none, is loosely bound

By countless silken ties of love and thought

To every thing on earth the compass round,

And only by one's going slightly taut

In the capriciousness of summer air

Is of the slightest bondage made aware.

Nate Notes

This is one of Mr. Frost's lesser know pieces, yet in my opinion, one of his most profound. Like most of his other poems there is no condoning or condemnation, just observation. This poem is about interconnectedness. For a fascinating exercise, consider the relationships depicted in this piece from the vantage point of each element; the silken tent, the cedar pole, the summer air. Then compare this with human nature. . . how many of us at the pinnacle of our surety of soul are only aware of our interconnectedness when a capricious summer air pulls one of our chords taught?